Little Girl.
My give-a-damn's busted.
I just came up in here to write some kind of epic something or other to get back into writing on Livejournal again.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to get anything to come out.

I have facebook brain--small tidbits. Nothing too personal.

I also have developed like electronic ADD. I can't sit and watch an entire television program without checking my phone. Seriously, I can't watch an entire 30 minutes program--which is actually like 21 minutes because of commercials--without checking to see if someone else checked into Chick-fil-a or some shit.

I need an intervention.

Oh, yeah, my kids have been trying for months to get me engaged in some kind of game with them. I couldn't care less about Pokemon. I tried, but failed to get into Minecraft. Last week they suggested I try Dragonvale. Yeah, now I'm obsessed. I have to go back there every 30-45 minutes to collect up as much food and cash as I can to feed my dragons so I can breed some better dragons to grow more food, to get more cash!

I think I need a vacation on one of those huts out in the middle of a clear blue ocean with no internet, phone, cable, etc. Just my family and me.

Oh, look at that... I'm writing!

I've either developed or finally acknowledged some of the anxiety that I am attributing to 9-11. I have had a script for Ativan for the last year or so, but haven't taken it with any regularity. I've used it a few times when things like the Boston Marathon bombing happened. I find myself getting shaky and agitated in the care with Nate a lot, though. Like, I don't deal well with potential danger. Having to take medication to feel calm enough to be in a crowd, though, just boggles me. I've never been like that before.

We go to this mall that is like 4 floors of shopping center under the Eddie Bauer headquarters--which Nate said was like 40 stories. The garage is 4-5 floors deep under ground. Arden commented on how the the building must be really, really heavy over top of the garage into which we were driving deeper and deeper. My heart started to race. I managed to get that under control, by pretending that I wasn't really getting upset about the sheer volume of weight that could crush us dead if anything were to happen. An hour or so later we were sitting in the Starbucks in the lowest level of that mall, just enjoying our hot beverages. I started envisioning being in the WTC when the planes hit. I had visions of terrorist attacks when people are just sitting around, enjoying their lives, minding their own business and some asshole blows them all up. The heart racing, my brow sweating, and instant fear started to take over. Seriously?!? 13 years later and suddenly I'm having this PTSD. WHY!?

Anyway, it might be time to get some therapy again, because I never know when this stuff is going to happen. I'm really, super uncomfortable with taking Ativan every day just to maintain my composure. I don't want to be considered someone who needs anxiety meds, but I'm starting to get there.
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I'm sick of being sick... having some kind of random illness I can't identify or that I think that doctors are going to think I imagined. Anemia sucks balls. I never thought that Anemia was an actual condition until I discovered --after months of general malaise-- that I was afflicted. Suckiness galore. All of my efforts to lose weight has come to a screeching halt. My holiday weight is staying solidly IN PLACE. I had to move back up into my size 14s... with my 10/12s are back in the cupboard. It sucks balls. I'm back to half heartedly counting points and trying my best to maintain this weight while I try to figure out how to manage my anemia... but it's just disappointing to be up 12-15 pounds. When I was 260 pounds, it wasn't nearly as noticeable as it is now.

Then, there's whatever this wheat/gluten issue I'm having. Anytime I eat anything with wheat in it, I get really terrible gas and stomach pain. I cut out those ingredients and feel mostly better--and less bloated. I don't WANT to give up wheat. I love bread, cake, cookies, pasta, etc. Life without those things is SAD AS HELL.

WAH!

/rant
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Can you stand it?

Happy Six month birthday wittle puppers!!!

He's 80 lbs--and actually a little underweight (because we can feel his ribs).
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I never post. And India's history is suffering for it. Today is the first day of coming back to El-jay--if only to have an archive of the things she says and does!

She turned three on Friday. This morning, at the ped's office, she weighed in at a hearty 25 lbs! Whoo-nelly! She is 35 inches tall. She is so very three. A few weeks ago I had a cortisone shot in the butt for breathing issues. She was EXTREMELY UPSET when the nurse wouldn't let her have her Polio shot in the butt... ha!

:)
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DSC_6460
July 14th

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Today


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Apparently this is not the best way to tell how much bigger he's getting.... this shows how long and tall he is, though.
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Lots of pictures!Collapse )
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Just waitin' on a baby announcement... and for my new mattress to be delivered.
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Yesterday was Arden's last dance class. Meagan is another mother there. We always chat. She's got three girls--6,4, and 18 months. She has occasionally mentioned a playgroup at a local church on Fridays, but hasn't seemed overtly religious.

She is frequently speaking about how she has "a bunch of girlfriends" and their kids over in Thursday nights for dinner and playing. I enjoy her company, so I mentioned that I'd like to be invited to the next one. She seemed so excited--almost surprised that I wanted to come? I'm not sure why. At dinner last night it occurrd to me that it might be a Bible study or something--and I missed her mentioning it?

Not sure what to do. I really do like her. She seems cool. She's from Wisconsin. But, man, not sure what I will do if they bust out some prayer or Bibles! For the life of me, I can't figure out how to establish what this weekly tradition is about-without, say, asking directly.

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Current Location: US, California, San Mateo, San Mateo, Bayshore Fwy

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Weird skin tag/nubbin thing on my nipple turned black, shriveled up, and fell off. So strange! Trying to understand if there's a connection between new found increased sex drive and the death of a skin tag acquired during pregnancy...

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Current Location: US, California, San Mateo, San Mateo, Bayshore Fwy

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I have a skin tag on my right nipple. It's gross, but the only way to get rid of it is to freeze it off.

Well, yesterday my nipple started to hurt. Last night I noticed the tag was blown up like a balloon when it's usually just a little piece of skin. Before going to bed I discovered it was blue-black on the tip of the damn thing.

WTF!?!?

It hurts to nurse. I have a phone appointment with a doctor at 9:30. Not sue what that will do. Seems like a doctor would need to see it.

Yuck-o!

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Current Location: US, California, San Mateo, San Mateo, Marina Ct, 1799

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I have seen many babies in pocket diapers around here. Today, though, I spotted a wool butt in a Becko. I was changing India's diaper in the restroom. I watched the other mom catch a glimpse of India's wool cover, then her pins... She pretended not to stare. She went into a stall-- then came out and grinned at Arden wetting a pretty cloth wipe for me. Then she came over and asked about India's cover. We talked about fabrics and wool and pockets.

Half an hour later I ran into her again--her friend's kid was in wool pants, too. We talked about knitting and recycling sweaters for covers. It was momentary, but they totally thought I was cool enough!

I'm a dork, I know. But it was good!

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Current Location: US, California, San Mateo, San Mateo, Bayshore Fwy

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Arden is getting to a point of being confused about what God means to other people. She made a God's Eye at the Daisy thing last week. A week or so ago she said, "some people think Jesus was real..." So I explained that I beleive Jesus did exist, and was a good guy, but that since I do not believe in a higher power, I don't believe that he was the Son Of God. It must be very confusing for her. I think we might try going to the UU church next week to see of the one here is open to athiests ( some of the many websites I read said some are). I'm not sure how we feel about the whole thing, but hope that if our children can get clear ideas of many religions, it will make it easier to see that many people seek comfort a solice in religion, as well as being driven to be good people by the rules/laws/commandments. This can help to make the world a better place, but sometimes it has the opposite effect, too.

This is hard for me and I worry that if we don't find outside help with the ideas we might cause he girls to be unfair in their judgements of people.

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Current Location: US, California, San Mateo, San Mateo, W Hillsdale Blvd, 40

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Had a long day-- half day of school, home for lunch, attempt unsuccessfully to get India to nap, dance class, struggle again to get her nap, make dinner, feed kids, go to Daisy/ girl Scout info meeting---and walked away the new troop leader.

A little shell shocked, but I think it'll be good.

Off to shower.

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Current Location: US, California, San Mateo, San Mateo, Bayshore Fwy

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I had a major binge yesterday. I felt so sick last night. I gagged up key lime pie (that I ate straight from the pan) and so much stomach acid when I brushed my teeth last night. Then I slept like crap. Blech. Not feeling wonderful about myself at this precise moment.

We are at the Zoo, but I'm so tired that I'm cranky and my attention span and temper are both short.

Off to see something else. Arden is bored.

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Current Location: US, California, San Francisco, San Francisco, Sloat Ave, 2766

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I'm pretty sure we have thrush. My right nipples is raw and shiny on the top. It hurts so much when she latches that I am starting to be sympathetic to people with nursing issues. It does not hurt on the left side. India does not have patches in her mouth but was getting really upset when latching on and off early. Ugh.

I do not have the patience for homeopathy. I shall demand dyflucan. We are going to a well visit for Arden at 3:15 and a gyno visit for me at 4:15.

I'm so glad I pretty much already made dinner--cheesy potatoes and meatloaf. The potatoes will reheat/finish cooking as the fully assembled meatloaf cooks. Yum! As long as we are back here by five, we will be cool, otherwise it will be dinner tomorrow night and we will go the chuck e cheese tonight.

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Current Location: US, California, San Mateo, San Mateo, S Norfolk St, 2826

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We got the kids rain boots the other day. Nate said it wasn't going to rain anymore.. but I insisted. We got them slightly large so hopefully they'll fit next year. India falls over in them a little bit, so I held her hand. SO CUTE!

Not as happy with me in the shot--but I'm workin' on it and that's just about all I can do.
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The girls and I took the 5:17 train into the city to have dinner with Nate. I didn't think it through very thoroughly, meaning I forgot we would have to take the train home. We just got home at 9:30. Both the kids are still awake--but on their way to sleep.

I have walked about three miles today. M'feet hurt a lot! I think I have a blister. Ouch. I just hope the kids sleep until at least 6 tomorrow, 7 would be nice, 7:30 would be great. I'm pretty sure we will all be up by five.

So tired.

Have weigh watchers tomorrow. I usually go to the 7 am meeting, but I might not make it, so I need to make sure there's a 8:30 meeting.

My life is enthralling.

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Current Location: US, California, San Mateo, San Mateo, Marina Ct, 1799

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Arden just got her ears pierced. Pictures to come.

I suggested it ( okay, a few times), but left it up to her. She said she wanted it for her birthday ( in September), but I think the monkey earrings she wants to wear talked her into it, because after thirty minutes in the mall play area, she announced she wanted to do it.

She didn't cry at all. I knew she wouldn't, but told her it was okay if she needed to. She's never cried for a shot, though. She is very proud!

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Current Location: US, California, Alameda, Vasco Rd, 3900

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Seems to be dying a slow, stalled death here. The posts on my 20 per page friends list span three days. 2 years ago it would fill up a page and go to page two in three hours. I don't write often either. It's kind of sad. 7 years... That's like 50 years to a dog, right?

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Current Location: US, California, San Mateo, San Mateo, Marina Ct, 1799

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Please think about your answers before clicking comments, so your answer is not altered by other peoples' answers.

A. What phrase do you use to ask someone to remove the water from the tub or sink?

B. If you need a fabric item to wipe off a table or child's face, what do you ask for?

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Current Location: US, California, San Mateo, San Mateo, S Norfolk St, 2838

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